The Road Goes Ever On and On......

I have found the last couple of days that I have been feeling more and more reflective on where I'm at, especially in terms of my relationship with God. Despite the current silence over where we will end up or what we will end up doing next year, we have been so very blessed. We made it overseas and back, without much incident and were very blessed to make some friends along the way. We financially are better off than most right now, since we have no debt other than my Hecs fees and we have been dilligent in our savings. We have been told we're welcome to stay in this house as long as we need, since the house was bought as an investment by someone I know, so that is a blessing too. And yet.....

Yet I feel empty. Kinda like there's something missing, and I can't put my finger on it. I have been experiencing moments of sheer worship and joy over the last two days, and ahve found myself lost in a haze of worshipping God and handing it all over to Him. I dont know where the road lies for us. and all I can do is trust in the one who does. It is frustrating to my humanness, and I am working hard to stop it from eating away at my spirit, which would be so easy right now! As each day passes my optimism wavers, and I start wondering whether I will get ANYTHING next year....I think at the moment that is the worst part, the yoyoing between hope and despair. 

I WANT to be effective for God - I want to do EXACTLY what He wants me to do. My greatest fear is that I will miss that train coming onwards towards me....that I will somehow not be ready to take that chance whatever it may be. My second greatest fear is that I will be left with no chances...no life other than to stand behind a checkout and make someone else rich while people around me are in need of help every day. I want to be in a position where I feel like I'm making a DIFFERENCe in this world....the whole reason for me slogging my guts out at uni all this time is for me to do that, to help people in crisis and be an effective steward of my gifts and experiences. In the meantime....I am lost!