One is the loneliest number...

The last couple of days have been hard for me. I spent all day yesterday rearranging my office in an attempt to not feel blue, or lonely, but today I am not so fortunate! I never realised how much Brad works, and how little time he and I actually spend together, until I stopped studying long enough to feel it. It has brought home to me how few friends I really have, and how little most things mean....and how horrible it is to feel like I have very few people in this world. I know I have some people....but, lets just say im not quite normal! I spose, with having so few young people at my church, Im just feeling isolated and lost.

I was thinking this morning of how there are things that people think are so important, and they really arent. Like, recently that guy who started Crazy Johns, died at the age of 42 from a heart attack...he was very successful, very hard working, very lucrative and probably worth a fortune....but in the end, in his final moments, did any of it matter?
Did he get to heaven and get asked how much his net worth was, or what his annual profit was?
I doubt it. While I was working out at the gym this morning I was watching on tv as they 
show the funeral for that guy....and I thought to myself, I bet people look at me, and think to themselves "Man...if I were that fat, I'd kill myself" or "if I ever get to be that big, just shoot me" Oh Im not being morbid...and Im not being self depreciating at all, Im just being realistic here. I have absolutely no doubt that someone at some point has said that in reaction to my appearance, and it got me to thinking how little it matters...sure, I dont look the best, Im working on losing the weight for my health, and general well being, but in the end it doesnt matter if Im a size two or a size 20...it doesnt matter if Im worth 2 cents or 2 billion...all that matters is whether I did what God asked me to do to further His Kingdom. What scares me is that I sit here alone...and I dont want to be alone. I get so confused sometimes as to what God wants me to do....who does He want me to talk to, how does He want me to react...sometimes I am disheartened..not knowing where to start. I guess the trick is to not sweat the small stuff, and to keep in mind the bigger picture, and to press on...nomatter how depressing it might be at times.