Baggage

The last few days I have been thinking alot about baggage. In life, when we have too much stuff weighing us down, its hard to get to where we should be.....and I am learning that the same is true spiritually. Since Wednesday, some of you will know that I have been tearing my house apart, getting rid of a lot of stuff we either dont need or dont use anymore or is broken or generally not essential to our living. This includes furniture, paperwork, miscellaneous items etc......unfortunately though, my house is not the only thing that has needed a good purge.

Recently I came in contact with a very old friend, after a long time. I suppose I had this rosey coloured memory of who she was, and what our friendship was, and so I was so excited to have her back in my life, thinking for sure this was God’s way of allowing me to heal the friendship and move on in a new way. But last night something happened.....she showed her true colours to me, and I came to the realisation that the relationship was no longer healthy. Perhaps it never was. The point is that after a fair bit of petty backwards and forwards I realised I had to “be the hero” as Dr Phil would put it (ha ha ha) and stop, forgive, release her to God and move on.

It really shouldnt be a revelation to me...after all this isnt the first close relationship I have had to walk away from. I have had to move on from an abusive father and stepmother, controlling grandparents, other bad friendships that didnt accept my husband or whose lifestyles were very different from my Christian one. But because of the way I had remembered this person, this was particularly painful. I realised that I wasnt mourning the loss of the person she IS but rather the person I always remembered her to be. I was dealing with a ghost, not a real life person.

I also realised something else.....just how far I have come. I feel a sense of pride that even through my distress I was able by the power of the Holy Spirit to recognise the situation for what is was....petty, immature and unnecessary. I also realised I had to let go of the desire my friend had to have the last word...I had said everything I needed to say, and I didnt need to reply or answer the phone anymore. For a few moments I DID get sucked in to what she was saying, and I ask God to forgive me for buying into the argument, but in the end I knew that nothing I could say or do would change what was painfully obvious - we just werent on the same level of existance anymore. Since i knew her, I had become a Christian, married, had four years of marriage, moved on physically and emotionally from a painful past, and have grown into a different level of maturity.

In life, we cannot drag round baggage with us if we want to be effective for God - nomatter what baggage that might be. This experience has taught me that even MEMORIES can be baggage we dont need. Im glad I had the chance to let it go- I feel so much freer now that I have a realistic idea of who my friend is, and what she thinks about me. I now know that this is one of those times when I have to choose God over people - because I know that God will fill the void of ANYONE who seeks to hurt me. There are times when I feel lonely, when I feel like I have no friends, when I look at others jealously because they have friendships that I want to have....but in the end I should be looking to GOD to fill the void and not to people. He is the only one I can trust and He will lead me to a more fulfilling life!