Inspired....or not....

Last week at Amanda's I got back my copy of "The Hours" a fascinating moving about Virginia Wolf that has Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman in it...I absolutely LOVE that movie. I've pulled it out on this very cloudy and miserable looking Sunday afternoon and because of that I am once again inspired to document my thoughts...I always feel like that after watching it! The special features talks about how Virginia was obsessed with the details of every minute of every day, and it made me think about how much of our lives goes past us..sleeping....watching tv....on the phone....in the car....how amazing it is that we have this amazing gift of life and yet so often we're numb to it, immunne to it. We dont seem to pay enough attention to it, we dont stop to describe it in any great detail. So, in my attempt to be inspired, here is how I have spent my day today.

I woke to a feeble sunlight streaming in my window just before 7am. I am marvelled at how my body knows when to wake, despite me setting my alarm! I thought for sure that Brad's alarm would go off at 7:30 and we'd be in a mad rush to get ready for church, but no so! I got up, made toast and tea and put on the dvd of Batman begins we watched last night (during which I fell asleep LOL) and went back to try and watch the bits I had missed while I got dressed, did my hair and got ready for church. I got frustrated with my hair.....I dont know whether I like my new haircut or not now, but Brad SWEARS to me that he loves it, and anyone who knows Brad will tell u he is not lying...he never says anything he doesnt mean!

We arrived at church with me in an exasperated mood, and this seemed to continue for most of the service. It was a good service though I confess I get very frustrated with certain people from my church wanting to "talk shop" with me. In truth it feels like its the only time they talk to me at all....and it doesnt help that there are two lots of foster families in our church and I work for the deparment that places and trains them! Inevitably for the first couple of weeks there will be a little shop talk simply out of novelty, but it seems I hear of nothing else, which is infuritating when ur trying to leave work at work and have a life outside of the office! They mean well....

AFter church we came home, and had some lunch while brad watched a bit of the formula one before he decided to nap. I thought I would nap with him, but not long after I layed down Brad's dad called and I jumped up to get teh phone, giving myself a huge fright with my heart POUNDING out of my chest for ages afterwards. I got up, made myself a cup of tea and then baked a cake. With the cake cooling, and my conscience screaming at me to go and clean up the back courtyard area like I had intended I sit here writing this...and I suppose since the grey clouds are rolling in I should listen to myself and do so before it gets too dark and dreary.

Tis an odd thing, feeling like ur always waiting for something else....I thought when I finished university I would be done with waiting and I could feel like I was getting on with things. Then I thought that as soon as we moved house I'd feel like that. Then I thought ok, when I get a good job I'll feel like that. Now it's "when we move to toowoomba" and then after that it will be "when Brad finishes uni" or "when brad gets a job". Why must I always be waiting? Contentment is such a fickle thing...always just before my nose but never quite within reach. I suppose it is a good thing that I am always striving for something better, and I hope that I never come to a place where there is nothing else to look forward to, but it always feels like others are more stable than I am...more secure and more confident in where they are...and I wonder whether I'll ever get to a place where I feel like that.

*sigh* my back courtyard awaits....